


Everything That Was

by inkonmyflowers



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Feels, Annie Leonhart-centric, Annie's father being a good dad, Bonding, Coming of Age, Cottagecore, Eventual Romance, F/F, Feels, Fluff, Forgiveness, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Happy Ending, Healing, Kinda, Moving On, Past Abuse, Soft Mikasa Ackerman, Starting Over, Strangers to Lovers, Therefore cottagecore lesbians because I said so, Wordcount: Over 10.000, but there is some Mikasa POV, first of all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:20:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 18,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29350332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkonmyflowers/pseuds/inkonmyflowers
Summary: Moving into her late grandfather's cottage to get away from the city seemed like a pretty good idea to Annie. A small romantic house near the forest, a beautiful garden to relax in, a calm atmosphere to read at night - it truly was perfect, if it wasn't for the bitter memories and resentment it still held a year and a half after the old man's passing.A somewhat unexpected encounter with a certain ravenette might just be the chance of sorting things out and finally letting go of the past.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman & Annie Leonhart, Mikasa Ackerman/Annie Leonhart
Comments: 32
Kudos: 118





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> This is my second attempt at writing a longer multi-chapter fic and my first time writing such a long work in english! I took a good break from posting in order to properly write and plot this story, so I hope you don't mind ^^ I really enjoyed writing this story, so I hope that you will enjoy reading it!
> 
> Disclaimer: a big part of me writing this story was for... A sort of catharsis, if that makes sense. I got a little emotional writing some parts of this, so it might get a little weird or something lol. I obviously didn't write everything exactly as it is in my memories and took the liberty of peppering one of my favourite ships to make it nice and all. 
> 
> I hope you will enjoy it nevertheless!
> 
> *PLEASE READ*  
> As mentionned in the tags, family issues and past abuse are present in this story and are kind of a big part of it as well as mentions of loss of a family member, though these things are only mentionned and do not actively take place during the time of the story. Although I will put trigger warnings on the chapters that are more focused on that, please be careful if these themese are triggering to you.
> 
> Have a pleasant reading ^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know that this is probably a lot of description, but don't get scared - there will not be many description-filled chapter like this one, I just wanted to kind of set the cottage's scenery if that makes sense?
> 
> Anyhow here is the first chapter ^^

The familiar smell of lavender and buried memories welcomed Annie as she opened the door of the small cottage. Upon entering, she threw her bag at the bottom of the stairs, ripped her jacket off and deeply exhaled. An especially long, tiring, horrible day spent between packing stuff and an annoying five hour car ride was finally coming to an end, leaving her more than grateful for the calming silence her late grandfather's house provided.

She hadn’t been here in a while, probably a year or so, but walking around the house made her realize that very little had changed since. It wasn’t nearly as dusty as she expected it to be; in fact, the living room looked exceptionally tidy, much like the kitchen and the downstairs bathroom. Everything still looked the identical, old, boring same in this weird nostalgic way that made Annie feel a bit odd. The decoration was as tacky as she remembered, with the gross flower wallpaper, the furniture that looked like it came straight out of the 1800s and the trinkets that were collecting dust here and there on a few cupboards.

She went up the stairs, grabbing her bag on her way, and walked through the small corridor leading to the first floor's two rooms and small bathroom. She directly went to the room where she had lived for the first thirteen years of her life, and where she would later stay over whenever holidays at the family’s cottage took place, right next to the one her father would usually occupy. As expected, everything was still where she left it; the history books on her desk, the big mirror in the corner, and the Green Day poster hanging over the old bed. She put her bag on the latter and sat next to it, her eyes examining the bedroom - it definitely also looked tacky as hell, but the few decorative elements her teenage self had insisted on putting around made her feel comfortable and gave her a nice sense of home.

“Welcome back, Me. Hope you’ll have a good time.”

She stood up and went back down to the kitchen, which was probably the only part of the cottage that she couldn’t describe as entirely ugly. It actually looked cute and even kind of romantic, with its mahogany cupboards and green-painted tiles. She noticed that a vase of fresh peonies and a pot of succulents was placed on the center of the chestnut kitchen table, right on an embroidered tablecloth that had, according to her father, belonged to her grandmother. She raised an eyebrow - _who put that there? It’s not like the old man was a super social person or something..._

She then opened the back door and stepped into the garden. Again, it still looked just like in her memories, but, unlike the interior, was very charming; it looked like time had stopped one average spring afternoon fifteen years ago. The flowers looked well maintained and the paved path crossing the garden leading to the terrace in the back was clean.

She lifted her eyes to the gradually darkening sky, goosebumps running on her skin. Moving in here was a little scary for a number of reasons, but perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad after all. Who knows, this could even end up being the best decision of her life, maybe the worst, but oh well...

_I guess the only way to find out is to wait and see._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm sorry for the messy indents, but I have absolutely no clue how to put indents on AO3. Sorry ^^' Feedback is appreciated ^^


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 2 ^^

For some unknown reason, the universe had decided that waking up Annie at six thirty four in the morning on a sunday was a completely appropriate thing to do. 

She turned her head to her window; the sky was leaving its dark hue to change for a lighter one, indicating the start of a sunny May day. While the time of waking up was super annoying, it also offered her a pretty damn nice view, giving her the idea of taking the first breakfast in her "new" home in the garden.

She sighed. Deciding not to try to get a few extra hours of sleep, she shuffled out of her bed, threw on a sweatshirt and her slippers and groggily made her way downstairs. The sun was starting to beam through the windows, giving the kitchen a lovely aesthetic look. Yawning, she took the kettle out of a cupboard, filled it with water, set it on the stove and turned the latter on to let the water boil. She then cut up a couple of slices of the loaf of homemade bread she had baked a few days ago and put them on a plate. After waiting for a few minutes, she fetched one of those fancy-looking porcelain cups her family had always considered like one of its most precious heirlooms (why that was, she had no idea) and threw in a tea bag before pouring the boiling hot water on it, grabbed the plate, and opened the back door with her elbow. 

The fresh morning air hit her as she stepped into the garden, making her shiver and inhale sharply. As she was about to walk to the table in the back of the garden, her attention was drawn to a figure standing in the middle of the paved path, right in front of the peony bush. 

A woman was standing there, watering it with her grandfather’s old and rusty watering can while humming some sort of song.  _ What the hell?  _ The cup slipped out of her hand and shattered on the path, making her jump to avoid the hot tea. The sound startled the woman, almost making her drop the watering can; she turned her head to her with a surprised look on her face.  _ What the fuck was this complete stranger doing in her garden at six in the morning? Watering a bunch of flowers? _

Annie immediately took a step back.

“Who are you?

\- Who are  _ you _ ?

\- Uh? I live here?”

The woman furrowed her brows and tipped her head to the side.

“Wait, are you Mr. Leonhart’s granddaughter? Annie?

\- Uh… Yeah? How the fuck do you know who my grandfather is? I’ve never seen you before and I don't recall him being friend with some young woman.”

Annie looked at her more precisely. She was pretty tall, at least twenty centimeters taller than her, looked pretty young - probably around her age. Her jet black hair reached her shoulders and bangs hid her seemingly grey eyes. She was wearing a black Peter Pan collar dress with what looked like equally black boots. Okay, she had to admit that she was pretty. Very pretty But also definitely a stranger that, again, was apparently vibing in her garden at six in the morning.

After examining her for a few moments, the woman finally spoke up:

“I’m sorry that I scared you. My name is Mikasa Ackerman. I live in a house nearby, I used to come over to help Mr. Leonhart with the house and the garden before his passing. I think we’ve never met before, as your grandfather typically asked me to not come over whenever his family came over to visit.”

Annie’s brows furrowed. Now that she said it, her father did tell her that one of Leonhart senior’s neighbours had volunteered to help him after apparently growing to like him - which by the way was a complete mystery to her - and that said neighbour still came over from time to time to make sure the house didn’t become too dusty. Huh, she was probably the one with the peonies.

“Sorry for the aggression. I just woke up, my brain’s a little uh… Yeah. You get what I mean.

\- No, it’s my fault. I should have rung the doorbell to announce my presence.

\- Well, anyhow, nice to meet you. As you know, I’m Annie Leonhart.”

Annie handed out her hand, which Mikasa took to shake it.

“But if you could please, please avoid appearing in my garden out of nowhere, it would be real cool.

\- Of course.” She nodded. “I’ll ring next time.

\- Got in with a double of the keys?

\- Yes, Mr. Leonhart gave me one when I started coming more regularly.

\- Mmh. I’m surprised you didn’t notice any of my stuff laying around when you entered, could’ve given you a pretty good clue that someone was here.

\- Ah, I’m often distracted... I probably didn’t pay much attention… Again, I am terribly ashamed, your father told me that you’d be there, I should have remembered. I, uh…” 

She scratched her neck, hesitating.

“You?

\- Would you allow me to come visit the garden from time to time? I know I told you Mr. Leonhart wished for me to take care of it while no one was here, and now you moved in, but… It’s attached to a lot of memories that I hold dear to my heart from the several years I spent here with your grandfather and I would hate to have to let go of it already. I understand if you refuse, I just met you and it probably sounds weird...”

Annie raised an eyebrow. It was kind of an odd request given the fact that she could take care of the garden herself, but… Mikasa did seem genuine in what she asked for, and while Annie was a very private person, she supposed could make a small exception for her. Her father knew her and had met her a couple times, so the risk of her being some sort of creep was probably really low. Probably.

“Sure, I don’t see a problem with it... If you announce yourself beforehand, that is. It's super scary to wake up to someone just vibing in your garden without you knowing about it.”

\- I understand, it isn't the best way to start the day. I imagine I'd be terrified as well. May I have your contact info in order to contact you to tell you I will come?

\- Uh, yeah, sure. Works for me.”

Mikasa handed her her phone. She took it, entered her name and phone number and handed it back.

“Thank you. I will contact you next time I come.

\- Alright, works for me. Well, I’ll let you finish your flower watering. I, uh...” She turned to the shattered teacup. “... Need to take care of this. I'll be in the kitchen if you need me.”

The ravenette nodded and went back to watering the peonies as Annie turned around to pick the broken pieces up. Well, things in this old cottage could get interesting after all...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated ^^ I'm still a bit clumsy when it comes to writing dialogues, so please tell me if some things sound too formal or too weird!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I first wrote that updates would be rather slow, but I realized that I'm actually a little more advanced in the writing of this story. I therefore think that I will be able to update more frequently ^^
> 
> Enjoy ^^

Mikasa had been full of a strange kind of excitement for a few days now, which was rather rare for her usual calm self. 

After all these years of Mr. Leonhart talking about his granddaughter pretty much daily, it had felt a little bizarre to finally meet her - not in a bad way, far from that. She was almost exactly how he had described her: cold, somewhat intimidating, and  _ definitely _ pretty. Something about her attitude was rough, perhaps a little, but also not rude. Though, she had to admit, she didn’t seem as disinterested as she had expected; she remembered perceiving a little bit of curiosity in her ice blue eyes as she took her hand to shake it. The fact that she had allowed her to come just showed that she wasn’t as stingy as Mr. Leonhart had always liked to claim.

He let out a satisfied hum and raised the watering can over the pansies. Another early morning had rolled by and she had decided to come water the flowers and - shoot, she forgot to tell Annie that she would come. She pulled out her phone and opened Annie’s contact to call her when she heard the back door opening.

“What did we say about suddenly appearing in my garden at unholy hours of the morning?”

She turned around and saw the blonde woman standing in the door frame leading to the kitchen. Given her messy hair, she had probably woken up mere minutes ago. Her gaze was sleepy and a little less cold than on their first meeting, but she still looked mildly annoyed by her presence - it was six thirty in the morning after all.

“Got distracted again, eh?

\- I apologize. I was about to call you to tell you that I was in the garden.

\- It’s fine. Coming to think about it, I would have hated being woken up by my ringtone. That thing has the most annoying sound in the entire galaxy.

\- Oh yeah, my bad. I will text you next time, then. I, uh, I’m rather forgetful...”

_ Speaking of forgetting yet another thing - _ she put her phone away, put the watering can on the path next to the flowers and stepped towards the blonde while rummaging in her small cotton bag. Once she was close enough, she pulled a small cardboard box out and handed it to Annie, her hands slightly shaking with nervosity.

“Is that for me?

\- Yes. Uhm… As a welcome gift.”

\- Oh… Thank you.”

She carefully took it and opened the box, revealing a delicate porcelain teacup. The blonde took it out and held it in the sunshine to observe them: both were painted white, decorated with meticulously hand drawn lavender plants, as well as intricate gold lines painted on the rim and handle of the cup. She peaked into the box again and saw the little plate that went with it - it was similarly decorated. Mikasa could see her expression going from confusion to surprise to a form of slight wonder, indicating that it was indeed a good choice. She sighed in relief.

“Wow... It’s very beautiful. Thank you.”

The blonde gave her a little smile, put the two pieces in the box and went back inside to put it on the kitchen table before coming back outside. Mikasa could feel her face heating up a little - that was the first time she’d seen her smile, and although it was a tiny, tiny, tiny smile, it still was filled with an indescribable beauty.

“I’ll wash it before use. Thank you very much. It looks much better than the other one too, seems you have quite a good taste.

\- Ah, no problems, and thank you. The house always smells like lavender no matter how many times I clean it, so I thought it would be a… Sort of pleasant reference to it. You know, I like it when things are a bit symbolic and make reference to things. It’s just a little additional touch, it feels more personal and people often like that… Eh...”

Annie huffed slightly.  _ What. An. Idiot. _ Way to look stupid in front of someone.

“Sorry, that was bizarre. My thoughts often get a bit lost...

\- Nah, don’t worry about it. It’s cool that you think about small details like that, shows that you care.” She stretched and yawned. “Wanna drink some tea with me? I haven’t eaten breakfast yet and I have some homemade bread left.

\- Uhm, yeah-” She checked her watch. “I’ll have to leave for work in twenty minutes, though.

\- Works for me. I’ll finish watering the flowers for you. C’mon in. What kind of tea do you like?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *PLEASE READ*  
> This chapter heavily discusses resenting a lost family member and some bad past memories (these are only referenced to).

Out of every single room of the cottage, Leonhart senior’s was probably the worst of them all.

Annie hated everything in it. Be it the bedsheets, the ugly painting on the wall, the carpet or even the dumb looking furniture from the 1960s that the old man could spend entire hours on to describe how aesthetic and practical they were - every single thing in there irritated her and made her want to just lock the door and throw the key out somewhere in the nearby river. 

Even the strange little figurines lined up on the windowsill looked sad and bitter. Each one of them reeked of regrets of a failed sculptor that had ended up spending his days dreaming of fame and recognition rather than actually sculpting, which Annie had always found to be a shame given how talented he truly was. Despite the dislike she had for him, she had to admit that he really had something special to him when it came to art and creating in general. The few prototypes he had built in his last years held so much potential, so many interesting concepts that with further thought and effort could have been unique works of art, it was just too bad that the time he could have invested exploring them was spent showing bullshit past events off.

She went over to his closet and swung it open. Most of his clothes were still there, although the older ones seemed to be gone (probably thrown away or given by her father). They still smelled like that horrendous softener he used whenever he’d wash them - the weird mix of the orange-cinnamon product made her shiver in disgust. How he had managed to find a woman willing to endure this for years on end, she couldn’t figure out. She’d rather die than willingly bask in it, hence why she had thrown all remaining boxes of said softener in the trash and replaced in with better-smelling softener, which to be fair was one of the first things she did upon moving in. She shut the closet door and turned around.

The free corner of the bedroom was filled with countless boxes full of weird family research stuff that he had kept in a vain attempt at finding some distant relatives or something. Annie had never really understood what this was all about. He often told her about the importance of finding her cousin's aunt's great-grandfather and such which, frankly, she had always deemed to be utterly useless and a complete waste of time. But oh well, as long as it kept him too busy to hold neverending monologues about how much better it was back then and brought him some sense of purpose, she didn’t really care. The amount of information he had managed to gather truly was impressive, there was probably enough data to cover the life story of a good amount of generations- the town’s archive might find some interest for its history and could put it to good use. She for one didn't wish to keep it, neither did her father. Not because of a lack of respect, but simply because it reminded them of countless arguments they had had about caring more about the dead than the living, all of which had ended in terrible blame games.

A heavy sigh left her lips.

Despite her father going through all this stuff back when her grandfather died, most of it was still there as neither her nor her father had mustered up the courage to thoroughly sort it out and think about what they would do with his room. While his will had stated that both of them were to inherit his belongings, they had come to a silent agreement that it was better for them not to have too many things reminiscing of him. She had absolutely no idea what to do with what was given to her. Part of her just wanted to burn everything down and throw it all in the immensity of oblivion, but it somewhere felt wrong to just get of it. It had belonged to her own grandfather after all. Leaving everything where it was was also an option, but with every day she stayed at the cottage, the presence of these reminders of grim days belonging to the past bothered her more and more. 

She left the room and locked the door behind her. This was ridiculous. He was probably chillin in the afterlife or something and she was here getting stressed out over his stuff. How idiotic was that. She threw the key onto the key holder near the entrance and exhaled deeply.

“Dammit, old man. Looks like you manage to fuck with me even after pegging out.”

One thing was sure: there was absolutely no way she'd remain angry and resentful over some annoying dead man for the rest of her life, and especially not if she planned on making her new adventure here at least decently fun and fulfilling one. Something needed to be done. But what? That was the question.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also noticed that I never established it clearly, but Annie and Mikasa are both in their twenties in their story (and so is pretty much everyone else involved, except for her father).

Late night reading sessions had become a new ritual ever since Annie had moved into the cottage. Something made reading in a tacky (but less tacky than when she had arrived, thank the new decoration) room with a gentle light all the more pleasant and… Aesthetic, in a way. Being away from the town and the highway allowed for a calm, quiet atmosphere which was ideal for the much needed relaxing time that she needed after the tiresome week of work that had just come to an end.

A notification drew her attention. She grabbed her phone and unlocked it, discovering a text from none other than Mikasa Ackerman.

_ From : Mikasa _

_ Do you mind if I come over? _

She raised an eyebrow. It was the first time in weeks that she offered to come at a time of the day other than the early or late morning. She looked at the time - ten twenty two.

_ From : you _

_ sure _

_ From : Mikasa _

_ I’ll be there in 10 then _

She put her book down and went to the mirror, fixed her hair and slipped on a more decently-looking t-shirt to not look completely horrifying, before going down the stairs to wait for her late night guest to arrive. Coming to think of it, it was pretty fucking strange. Almost seemed like some sort of date. Perhaps she had something important to discuss that couldn’t wait for the morning?

The bell rang about ten minutes later. Annie practically jumped off the couch and sprinted to the door and put her hand on the handle.  _ Okay, stop. Let’s wait a couple seconds just to not look like a freak. 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… 9… Alright. _ She then opened it; Mikasa was standing in front of her, holding a basket in her right hand, wearing a casual light colored flower dress and the prettiest little smile.

“I thought you only came over in the morning?

\- I felt like giving you a little evening visit. Hope you don’t mind.

\- Not at all, come in.”

She let the ravenette enter the house and rid herself of her shoes.

“I brought homemade brownies.

\- Oh... Thanks. That's really sweet of you." She smiled. "Do you want to drink something? I’d rather not drink tea if I were you, it’ll keep you up tonight.

\- Uhm… I’d like a glass of water, please.”

They then entered the kitchen, chit chatting about their day. Mikasa pulled out a tin box out of her basket and went through the cupboards to look for a plate while the blonde poured a glass of water for each of them. Once the brownies were nicely plated and the water was served, they set everything on the table and took a seat in front of each other.

“Did you come for anything specific?

\- No, not really. I just felt like coming over to talk to you and couldn’t wait for tomorrow. I… I've been thinking lately, and I really would like to get to know you better. I’ve been coming here regularly but we haven’t gotten to tell each other much about ourselves. Oh, I hope I’m not interrupting anything-

\- Nah, don’t worry. I wasn’t really busy. Just reading a book.”

Annie could feel the blush on her cheeks reaching shades of red probably never seen on a human face before. A cute girl wanted to come over to have some sort of late night snack for two with her? Because she couldn’t wait for the morning to roll around? This was almost too good to be true. The universe was probably plotting against her again, this time to unleash a critical episode of gay panicking. Wait - gay panicking already? Wasn't it too early and too weird to have a crush on her grandfather's former neighbour turned her neighbour that had been regularly showing up to water flowers? Ugh. She shook the thought off and looked up to Mikasa.

“So, Mikasa. What do you do aside from watering random dead people’s flowers in the morning?”

Mikasa chuckled.

“I actually work downtown at my uncle’s teashop, Ackerman’s Tea Corner, near the Bott’s drugstore.

\- I’ve seen it quite a few times, looks cute from the outside. I’m not really a tea person, though, so I’ve never been inside. Heard your uncle is famous in town for practically having a tea kink.

\- What?” She bursted out laughing -  _ Annie could swear that her heart did some sort of weird palpitations at that exact moment _ . “Well, it could be kind of true I guess? My uncle is… Very passionate when it comes to tea, hence why he opened a whole shop dedicated to it. People think he's a little bizarre I suppose, but he’s actually a kind person. I enjoy working alongside him.”

The ravenette took a sip of water and cleared her throat.

“Where do you work?

\- At Springer and Son’s bookstore. Also downtown, but more on the outside near Braus’ Steakhouse.

\- Really?

\- Uh, yeah? Is it surprising?

\- Well… Yes, kind of. I kind of imagined you working in… I don’t know, a gym, perhaps. You told me working out was one of your main hobbies.

\- I mean it’s true, I do really like working out, but I also love reading. I’ve been reading ever since I learned how to, so I jumped on the opportunity when I saw that they were hiring” She picked a brownie up and bit into it. “Delicious, by the way.

\- Thank you. I’m glad they turned out well.”

A slightly awkward silence remained between them for a few seconds, before Mikasa asked:

“It might be a little bit of a personal question… Was leaving the city very difficult for you?

\- Eh, it was okay. The city started to feel too big and uncomfortable for me, I wanted to start over in a better environment, and as my grandfather left his cottage behind unoccupied, my Dad allowed me to move in. Plus, some friends of mine live kinda nearby and I’ve known this town pretty much all my life, so...

\- I imagine it’s okay then. 

\- It is. No big issues to readapt. Have you ever lived elsewhere?

\- I haven’t. I spent all my life here, my parents own a house a bit further away from the forest. I still live there, although I have plans of moving out as soon as possible. I really like my parents, I love them, but you know... 

\- Yeah, at some point you want to have your own place.

\- Exactly. I feel too old to be there, all of my friends have their own place to live at so I feel a little bit behind.

\- Eh, you should take your time.

\- I know. Mr. Leonhart often told me that.” She tipped her head to the side. "You sometimes say stuff that reminds me of him... You're kind of smiliar in some ways."

Annie tensed. Things were going too well on this weird late night kind of date but not really for the old man to come and ruin the fun again.

“Could be. I don't know." She cleared her throat. "Say, I have a question.

\- I listen.

\- What kind of music do you listen to?”


	6. Chapter 6

Mikasa looked at the clock hanging over the checkout - five past two. The lunch time rush was finally over, there were only a few customers remaining to finish their tea and pastries before returning to work. She went to the counter, where her uncle, the owner of the shop, was putting a new tray of raspberry croissants in the showcase and cleared her throat.

“Levi?

\- Mmh?

\- May I take my lunch break? It’s five past two.

\- Sure, go ahead. You did a good job on today's rush hour.

\- Thank you.”

She took off her apron, put it away on its hook in the back shop, grabbed her bag and went back to the storefront.

“I’m off, I’ll be back in an hour. See you later.

\- See ya.”

She stepped out of the shop and took a big deep breath. As she was about to walk to the place she usually went to to meet up with Eren and Armin, she stopped in her tracks. Shoot, she had forgotten again. They had told her that they would be out on a special date and that they wouldn’t be able to have their usual lunch with her. Hm. Where should she go then? She could ask Jean, Connie and Sasha if they were available, but the three of them worked at places too far from each other to fit in the one hour she had. After giving it a quick thought, she decided she’d buy something at the bakery nearby and go to the park to eat it.

Doing so turned out to have been an excellent idea. The park was one of the calmest places downtown - there were only a few people, mostly elderly, strolling around it, with a small group of children playing soccer and people walking their dogs. That day felt a little special: the weather was exceptionally nice and everyone in town seemed to be in an excellent disposition; all of the customers she had welcomed at Ackerman’s Tea Shop during the morning had been more than pleasant to serve. Plus, the special chicken-avocado sandwich she’d gotten was really, really good - she was pretty sure she had gotten one with extra spice on it. Sweet.

A tap on her shoulder pulled her out of her thoughts. She turned her head and saw a certain blonde smiling at her.

“Oh, hey Annie!

\- Hi.” She pointed to the empty space on the bench next to her. “Can I sit here?

\- Sure, go ahead.”

She moved her bag and let Annie take place next to her. The latter took out her own lunch and started eating as well.

“You often come here for lunch?

\- I don’t, actually. I more often eat lunch with my friends, but none of them were available today, so I thought it would be nice to come here to enjoy the fresh air.

\- Nice choice. Kinda the only place downtown where it’s at least a little calm. I usually come here for my lunch break, I don’t like eating in noisy places. I don’t like noisy places in general.

\- Is that why you enjoy living far from downtown so much?

\- Mmh, yeah. Is it unusual?

\- Kind of. Most people look for places here as it is close to shops and convenience stores and looks nice.

\- I mean… Don’t get me wrong, I like this town, it’s cute and all, but I like the outskirts more for… The reason I just told you.”

She nodded.

“Yeah, I can see what you mean. I like strolling around town, but I like the fact that our house is a bit further away from the center. It’s very calm over here as well and I like the walk to town.

\- Well,  _ that _ is unexpected. You seem like a far more social person than me, I would’ve expected you to want to be more among people.

\- Ah… Not really. I’ve always been a little bit of an outsider. Kids usually made fun of me until I graduated high school. They always had something to pick on, be it my clothes, my or my lack of expression…” She looked down. “I had friends, of course, but it was a little hard. I do believe that it made me grow to like calm spaces more than crowded ones. Though... Most of the people that made fun of me left this town, so everything’s alright now. I’m content with just having my small group of friends, working at the teashop and watering the flowers and… Ah, sorry, I got lost in my thoughts again.”

Her face heated up. Her head was messing with her again - why was this always happening around Annie? Way to overshare in a random conversation.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s kinda cute. Don't sweat it.” Mikasa couldn’t hold a small smile back. “By the way, I honestly admire how devoted to the garden you are. Must take a pretty big amount

\- Ah, you know, I really like flowers, so it isn’t an issue for me.”  _ Plus, I get to see you. _ “I see it more as something soothing.

\- What’s your favourite flower?

\- Hmm… I’d say pink roses. Mr. Leonhart told me that they symbolize gratitude, grace and joy.

\- So you like them just ‘cause he gave you an aesthetic meaning to them?

\- No, of course not. I’ve always liked them, especially the pastel ones. I find them to be very pretty. What’s yours?

\- I don’t really know. All I know is that I hate peonies.”

_ Mr. Leonhart’s favourite flowers? _

“Oh, why is that?

\- I don’t know. I just think they’re ugly.

\- There is no such thing as an ugly flower.

\- Sorry to burst your bubble, but now there is.

\- Decided who?

\- Me, obviously. I hereby declare myself as being the new ruler of flowers and give myself the right to declare that some flowers can be and are ugly.”

They laughed and finished their lunch. Mikasa looked at the time.

“I’m sorry, I have to go back to work. I told my uncle I’d be back in five minutes.

\- I’ll walk you back. Uh - if you want to, of course. It’s okay if you want to go on your own, I just figured that I have a little more time before my shift...

\- I’d love that.”

The walk to Ackerman’s Tea Corner was mostly silent, but it was a comfortable silence, sometimes interrupted by a few comments here and there about new shops opening recently and the new construction projects the town had announced.

“So… We’re here.

\- Yep. 

\- Uhm…”  _ Breathe, Mikasa. You can do this. _ “Are there any days of the week where you’re free in the evening?

\- Uh… Wednesdays and the weekend should do.

\- I was wondering… If you’d like to come over to my house to watch a movie. I know we usually meet up at your’s, but I thought it would be nice to change things up a little bit.

\- Yeah, sure. I’m in.

\- Cool. I will… Text you to set a date and time.

\- Works for me.

\- Great. I’ll look forward to it.”

She put her hand on the handle.

“Mikasa?

\- Yes?

\- If you want to eat lunch together again, feel free to tell me.”

She nodded and entered the now empty shop. Levi looked up from the counter and raised an eyebrow at her.

“Oi, what’s up with your face?

\- What? Is there something on it?

\- You look like a fucking tomato.”

Mikasa covered her face with her hand and smiled. That day was special indeed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *PLEASE READ*  
> This chapter heavily discusses past emotional abuse and invalidation. This chapter might be a little messy, I got a little emotional writing it. Please tell me if there is something that needs to be fixed!

“I’ve never heard you talk about Mr. Leonhart.”

Annie stopped washing the dishes and stared out the window  _ Already? _ Huh, she knew that it would have only been a matter of time before Mikasa would bring that subject up. She tried to think of a way to answer at least somewhat nicely - they had just had a nice Sunday lunch in the garden and it would’ve absolutely sucked if that were to end with the old man lingering in their discussions again. Given the enthusiasm with which she had brought it, she most likely would not like an honest answer. She had to find a way to change subjects.

“Uh… Is it that important of a matter?

\- I’m curious.

\- My grandfather and I…” She sighed and dried her hands with a towel. “We had a complicated relationship. We didn’t hate each other or anything, but things were a bit, how can I say, weird?

\- What do you mean?

\- I don’t know. We just weren’t really close. But, you know, it’s in the past, so eh. I don’t really think about it anymore. 

\- Really? Mr. Leonhart often fondly told me about the times he had with you. He seemed to recall these with lots of joy and love.”

Annie huffed and leaned against the counter. Of course he did. He always did when outsiders to the Leonhart family asked about it.

“He probably exaggerated things. You know how old people are, they often tell a bunch of weird shit.

\- Mr. Leonhart wasn’t like that.”

Oh no. The conversation was turning sour by the second and she could tell that she would burst out if she heard her defend him one more time. She had secretely hoped that they would never come to this. It had been clear since the start that Mikasa had bought into whatever old Leonhart had fed her and despite her deep disdain for him, she had considered not bursting her bubble as long as she didn’t try to push it onto her.

“I know that you really liked him, but I believe we have different realities when it comes to him. He wasn’t as chill with me as he was with you. He was kind of… I don’t know. I don’t think we should talk about it.

\- Why not?

\- Why do you want to know so bad?

\- I just can’t… Understand your point of view.

\- Does it matter? He’s dead. Leave him vibing in his grave, he probably doesn’t care about whatever the fuck I’m saying. He never did when he was alive.

\- He was a good person and you’re saying otherwise. 

\- Good person my ass. He probably manipulated you into thinking this.”

Something snapped inside of Annie. Years of struggling with his nasty behaviour, with feeling like she was nothing, with being told that she’d never amount to anything, and all of this to hear the word “good” being attached to his person?

“He was a horribly selfish man. At least 75% of the things he told you are completely false, he always enjoyed bragging about stuff he didn’t even do and telling some bullshit dated stories to make himself look like a living god. It was even worse when my Dad and I were around, he wouldn’t shut up about how great he was and how little we were doing with our lives. Counting the number of times he spent half his days putting us down and making us feel like complete shit would be impossible. ‘Annie, why haven’t you done this? Look at what my friend’s grandkids are doing, they’re doing so well. Why can’t you be more like them? Aren’t you ashamed that there isn’t even one person in my family that I can be proud of?’ It was ridiculous. And it was even worse with my Dad. He’d go off on him, blaming him for everything _he_ did and for ruining _his_ life!”

The ravenette's face was covered in shock. It was exactly how she had thought: she was just another person that Leonhart senior had managed to delude into thinking so highly of him.

“You’re wrong. Mr. Leonhart was a good man. He was always good to me, he always made sure that I was doing well, he always gifted me little statues he made-

\- Yeah, he loved doing nice stuff for other people, as long as it wasn't his own fucking family. Just because he was all nice and friendsies with you doesn’t mean he wasn’t a piece of shit to other people in his life. Which he was, by the way, hello. Are you naive enough to believe that people are pure through and through? Are you not aware that people can be mean? Come on, Mikasa. I thought you were smarter than that. Didn't you tell me that kids bullied-

\- Don’t say that. You know nothing about me. And you certainly can’t say anything when you’re over here heavily talking a member of your own family down. That is a disgrace.

\- A disgrace? Are you actually aware of what you're saying? Did you not just hear what I told you? What do you know about me that gives you the right to judge me?

\- I took care of Mr. Leonhart for almost six years, I know how he was! I visited him nearly every day, he was one of the people that helped me accepting myself and living life however I wanted, and there you are trying to feed me a stupid narrative in which he was some sort of bad guy? You told me yourself that you nearly never visited him after moving to the city, you didn’t care enough about him to do something about your relationship. You weren’t even there for his funeral! Maybe he indeed was better than you!”

Mikasa’s words hit Annie like a stab right in the hear, drawing tears. She threw the towel onto the sink and crossed her arms, biting her lips to avoid tears from spilling.

“That’s it. I don’t even know why I’m listening to some random girl commanding me about my feelings trying to convince me that some trash person was an angel. I don’t need to talk to you if you think that he was better than me. Get out and-”

Her voice broke before she could finish her sentence. She heard Mikasa letting out an exasperated huff, standing up and leaving the house, slamming the door on her way out.

She ran her hands through her hair and exhaled deeply, finally letting her tears loose. There just couldn’t be a time in her life where she could thrive in some sort of thing without the damn old man chiming in some sort of way. She kicked his door on her way and cried out in frustration.

“Damn it! I hate you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a little strange to ask after such a chapter, but if you feel like some specific tags should belong here, please do tell me. I still haven't completely figured out what to use to properly tag this story ^^'


	8. Chapter 8

Mikasa was absently munching on her food when a paper towel was thrown at her face.

“Hey!”

She looked up at a grinning Eren and worried Armin glaring at her.

“Spit it out.

\- What?

\- What’s wrong?

\- Nothing. I’m fine.”

She sighed and looked down at her plate. She wasn't convinced by her own words.

“Oh please, we know that look.

\- What look?

\- The  _ something-is-wrong-and-I-don’t-know-what-to-do _ look. And I’m like 99% sure that it’s tied to that Annie girl you’ve been constantly talking about. You’ve been moping around for like three days. This calls for a crisis. Spit it out.”

Mikasa sighed anew. A few days had passed ever since their fight and it just… Was terrible. She hadn’t mustered up enough courage to talk to Annie or even just to ask her if there was any way they could sort things out. Between what she had found out about Mr. Leonhart and the hurt she had caused Annie, her head was stuck in a kind of bizarre mix of regret, hurt and disbelief.

“Would it be wrong to… I don’t know how to explain it. Is it wrong to like someone that apparently was mean to their family?”

Armin raised an eyebrow.

“We need some context.

\- Yeah, uhm… You know, I used to take care of Mr. Leonhart, the elderly man that lived in the cottage near the forest…

\- Mmh, what about him?

\- Well, I told you that Annie is his granddaughter and that we’ve been hanging out more and more. Well, we had an argument a couple days ago… 

\- About what?

\- I asked her why she never talked about Mr. Leonhart and… I pushed her to talk about it and… She blew up. She basically told me that Mr. Leonhart was mean, that he was selfish and that he overall was a very unpleasant man with his family… She basically described some sort of, I don’t know, stuff that sounded kinda… She described him like some sort of monster, almost. But he was always so good to me! I clearly remember him teaching me how to make flower crowns out of poppies, and telling me all about the things he’d done in his life, and giving me advice on how to live a better life…”

The more she thought about it, the worse she felt about having thought so highly of him for so many years, and at the same time she just couldn’t believe that the same person that had shown her so much kindness had also been the one to apparently mistreat Annie and her father behind closed doors.

“Aaaaand you’re having a hard time accepting it.

\- Of course! Imagine finding out that, I don’t know… Armin actually spent years tormenting someone and you had no idea. It would be horrible! It makes you question everything you knew about that person, and in a way, it makes you feel lost as to what to think and what to do with… All of that knowledge.

\- Yeah, I imagine so. Wait - isn’t there the possibility that she just invented all of this ‘cause she hates him or something? Maybe she was just trying to get one more person to hate him.

\- I don’t think she would lie about something this major. I’ve known her for a couple months now, she’s the kind of person that tends to be a little too honest, sometimes. And apart from this… I now understand why she never brought him up and why she tried to be vague or contemptuous whenever I’d talk about him. It all makes sense now.” She put her fork down. “I’ve been thinking a lot about this and… I just… I don’t know anymore. Was the way I felt about him even real?

\- He might have deluded you into thinking that he was nice to her, but from what you used to tell us he seemed genuinely kind to you. People can be extremely two-faced.

\- I feel like I should have seen that something was wrong… I spent so many years with him... 

\- Didn’t you say that he asked you not to come over when Annie and her dad would visit?

\- Yes.

\- There you have it. You never hung out with them during their family time, there is absolutely no way that you could have known that.”

Armin gave her a little smile and a pat on the shoulder.

“So… You guys don’t talk because she told you the truth about him?

\- Well… No, not entirely. As I said, I pushed her to talk and… I told her really vile things. I said that he still was a good person and… I told her that she was a bad person for not taking care of him and not going to his funeral.

\- Mikasa…

\- I know, I messed up. It's my fault. I only realized how wrong it was after coming back home, and I haven’t been able to bring myself to try to talk to her.

\- That’s really, really bad. Like, really bad. You should never ever ever do this. You never know if people's behaviour is liked to something deeper going on. Imagine someone coming up to you and telling you that… Thomas and Mina weren’t that bad of people and that you should have been good to them even though they literally bullied you throughout all of middle school. That would suck.

\- I get what you mean - I know. It was unfair of me to say this. I deeply regret everything I said and I am ashamed of myself.

\- At least you realize it…

\- This is so weird.”

Mikasa and Armin turned to Eren.

“I don’t know, just really seems like it’s just… You got involved in something that’s kinda none of your business, really. I mean, Annie probably had some issues with Mr. Leonhart, but that’s between them. You had a great time with him and that’s great, awesome, we’re glad you did, but she knows a side of him that you don’t and she’s allowed to feel however she feels about it. You gotta acknowledge that he might’ve been and certainly was a douche with her and that constantly talking about him probably makes her feel like you’re trying to shove him down her throat, even if it’s unintentional.”

His two friends looked at him, baffled.

“What?

\- I can’t believe that you just said something eye-opening.

\- Eh? What do you mean?

\- You usually just say really moronic stuff, I wasn’t expecting something this deep and wise coming from you.”

He groaned and threw another paper towel at her.

“Anyways. You should apologize to Annie next time you see her.” Armin tipped his head to the side. “Invalidating what she went through was really messed up and there is a 100% chance that she is incredibly upset at you, and I hate to say it, but rightfully so.

\- And also don’t feel too bad about having grown to like Mr. Leonhart. You guys had your own relationship and all. As I said, respect the fact that she didn’t have a good time with him. You don’t know how bad it affected her.”

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and turned her head to the window.

“I’ll contact her to see if we can talk. I would hate for this relationship to end because of me being too much of an insensitive idiot.

\- Don’t give up just yet. There might be a chance of her forgiving you. Nevertheless… Be careful next time.

\- I definitely will.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more friends talk chapter ^^

Although Annie had what everyone called a resting bitch face, it was clear to anyone looking at her that something was deeply wrong.

Today was supposed to be a happy day: Reiner and Bertholdt, her childhood friends, had managed to make free time to drive to her town to spend the day with her; they had went downtown to eat, went on a walk in the forest, and now were chit chatting in the comfort of her cotttage’s living room - she just could not stop thinking about the argument she had with Mikasa a few days prior, which infuriated her. All she wanted was to forget about that and to just move on from that. After all, not all people are meant to stay in your life, Mikasa was probably one of them.

“Hey, are you okay? You’ve been looking real absent today.”

Reiner leaned to her and nudged her side.

“Can I be honest with you?

\- Always. We’re here for you.”

Bertholdt gave her a reassuring smile. She sighed and leaned against the couch.

“I told you about Mikasa, right. We’ve been hanging out. And… I think I started to kinda have a crush on her, like a real crush you know, but at the same time I really can’t stand talking to her. There’s always some sorta moment where she’ll bring him up and tell me about all these nice things he said to her and did for her… ‘Mr. Leonhart did this, Mr. Leonhart did that, Mr. Leonhart was so cool’... Makes me sick to my stomach. I’m tired of hearing about it.

\- Cause of the things that went down back then?

\- Yeah. He was a dickhead. I can’t believe he just hung out with her and manipulated her that bad. You should’ve heard her, she was all about it.”

Reiner and Bertholdt looked at each other. It was always difficult when it came to Annie and her grandfather, hence why they avoided the subject as much as possible or walked on eggshells whenever she insisted on talking about it.

“Well, uh… Don’t get mad at me, but it kinda sounds like you’re… Perhaps a tiny little jealous of her, or like you resent her. Because your gramps was nice to her.

\- Nonsense. I’d never be jealous of anyone for shit when it comes to him. I’m glad I wasn’t the one who had to deal with his stupid shit.” She exhaled deeply. “I’m upset ‘cause we argued a couple days ago and it went to shit. And yes, I resent her. But not for him or anything. She insisted on me telling her why I never talk about him, I told her I didn’t want to talk about it, she pushed and I basically exploded. Told her what kind of manipulative piece of shit he was. And all she found to do was to defend him and tell me I was in the wrong and that I was lying about it. That he was, and I quote, a ‘good person’ and said that he was better than me. What a fucking joke.

\- Wow, okay, that’s fucked up.

\- Right? I’m still fucking shocked. How can you talk like that to someone? How dare she talk like that about something she knows nothing about? What a fucking idiot. Can’t believe a smart girl like her got manipulated this badly by him.

\- Damn. I’m sorry this happened.” The brunet rubbed her arm. “It sucks. What happened after that?

\- Kicked her out and haven’t talked to her since. I don’t want to hang out with my grandfather’s bootlickers.

\- Uh…” Bertholdt scratched his neck, unsure of how to put what he wanted to say. “Annie, I’m not sure that you should be this angry at her for liking him.

\- The fuck are you talking about?

\- Listen, Annie, you can think and say that your gramps was shit all you want, no one is questioning that and we believe that he was, but you can’t blame that girl for growing to like him. He apparently behaved nicely when he was around her, how was she supposed to know that he wasn’t the best gramps ever to you?

\- It’s blindly obvious.

\- Well, it apparently isn’t.”

Annie’s head snapped up in Bertholdt’s direction.

“Don’t get me wrong, you absolutely have the right to feel upset that she refused to concede that he might have been really terrible to you, which he was, and she absolutely did not have the right to invalidate your experience. Invalidating people’s feelings is shitty. I’m totally on your side with that, as I said, being furious at her is only a logical reaction. He is in the wrong here. But at the same time you can’t be mad at her for having good memories with him. It’s not her fault he was nice to her.

\- I disagree.” Reiner crossed his arms. “She could’ve picked up on some traits after all these years of spending time with him.

\- Reiner, Annie already pointed out that he was good at deceiving people. She told us that he did nice things for other people to the point of making them like him a lot. Not everyone can pick up on lies that easily, especially if the person in question lies like they breathe. Even we liked him and found him cool before Annie told us about what was really going down between them. And we were nineteen or twenty years old when we found out about it.

\- Hm, you have a point.” He scratched his chin. “Well, I guess it’d be a little bit of a stretch to expect her to also know that he was a shitty guy.”

Annie huffed and crossed her arms.

“Good to see that no one’s on my side. You don’t even know her and you’re siding with her.

\-  _ Annie _ .” Reiner scooted closer to her and laid wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “We’re on your side. Always. Bertholdt already told you that what Mikasa did was really fucking wrong and that you have every right to be upset because of that. We’re not trying to excuse her actions, we’re just saying that although she shouldn’t have told you that you were lying and that he was better, there is no way she could have guessed that he was actually a really bad person to his family. 

\- Fuck that. Maybe she's just a piece of shit and I should just stop talking to her altogether. Some people just aren’t meant to be.

\- I wouldn’t say that. She made a huge mistake, but maybe she isn’t entirely bad? You seemed to like her a lot from what you told us.

\- I did like her. She’s pretty and all. And she seemed to have a cool personality. She also had a shitty behaviour.

\- Maybe think about it, you guys could perhaps do something to-

\- Bullshit.”

Reiner sighed.

“Listen, ultimately, the choice to forgive her or not for what she did is yours, and whatever your decision will be, we will support you. You did seem really into her, it’d be a shame to let him get in the way. He’s been gone for a while, now-

\- I know, and I shouldn’t be so bitter about some dead man’s past. That’s what’s so frustrating. I don’t care! I don’t want to care about whatever the hell he did with his free time or whatever, but the fact that he was such a dickhead with his own damn family and liked to be super kind or I don’t know what around other people just infuriates me.”

She looked down to her hands and played with the hairband. There was some truth to what Bertholdt had said - not that she would admit it, ever. As he said, she could choose whatever she wanted to do from there, though her mind was pretty much made up already.

“Can we talk about something else? I kinda want to get my mind off that. I’ve been thinking about it 24/7 and it’s sickening.

\- Of course. We can change subjects.

\- Let's talk about happier things. Did I tell you about the other day when Bert tried to bake bread and managed to burn down our kitchen?”


	10. Chapter 10

Annie collected the little statues from the windowsill and put them in the cardboard box with a shaky hand. Albeit her deep dislike for this room had stilled a tiny little bit since the last time she had entered it, finally getting to starting to put things away brought up a new feeling in her - one she couldn’t exactly pinpoint. Probably some sort of mix of melancholy, anger and sadness. She would have never entered it again if she could - but hey, she had already been procrastinating enough, so starting to get the room tidied up even if it was just little by little was good. And that started with the miserable-looking sculptures on the windowsill.

Coming to think about it, the old man had had a pretty sad life. A life he had chosen for himself, but still a pretty sad one. Spending all his time enclosed in the walls of his house is probably what ended up driving him insane. Her father had told her that it was a little better before her grandmother’s passing, but that he had always had this way of disregarding everyone that wasn’t himself to a certain extent. Annie had had trouble accepting it, perhaps because the idea that his issues weren’t caused by something happening to him but because it just was who he was sounded like bullshit. It was even more tragic, being a dickhead just because he was a dickhead. (Well, there most likely were some underlying issues that had made him that way, but he also probably was a dickhead from the start. Plus, things happening wasn't an excuse for being a dickhead.) She almost pitied him.

But still, what had convinced him that her father and her, his own son and granddaughter, were responsible for whatever had gone wrong in the past? Did something happen that made him decide that? Why were outsiders so much more interesting than his own people? Did he ever care about them, or were they only ever pawns to get reputation and gain pride? So many questions that would unfortunately never find an answer, unless she bought some sort of ouija board - was his spirit even haunting the cottage? Ew. Gross.

She sat on the bed, stretched and opened the bedside drawer. As expected, it was full of letters and little knick knacks that had belonged to him and that he liked to look at before he would go to sleep. His glasses, one of his embroidered handkerchiefs, an old jazz CD, a picture of him and her grandmother, a post-it with a grocery list written on it… And beneath all of that, an embroidery representing a peony with Mikasa’s name on the bottom.

Mikasa…

Two weeks had gone by and they still hadn’t talked. She hadn’t stopped by the water the flowers. She could barely admit it to herself, but… She missed her. She really missed her, and it sucked immensely that they had gotten into a fight because of, again, old Leonhart’s presence’s ghost (could it be a proof that he was haunting the house?) lingering around. She had been sure that she wanted to end their friendship up until a few days ago, but upon reconsideration, she had started to long for her presence more and more.

Bertholdt was probably right. Maybe she was mad at her for something that wasn’t quite right - well, being mad at her for acting like an complete fucking idiot was right, but yeah… The old man had the habit of going beyond expectations to do good deeds when it came to people outside their family. It wasn’t entirely impossible that he really was good to her despite actually being a jackass. And would it be right to resent her for something she wasn’t responsible for? After all, all she had done was taking care of an old man living alone in a cottage near the forest and getting closer to him over the years.

What did the old wooden signboard in the kitchen say again?  _ “Pride is nothing worth dying for.” _ While it certainly wasn’t a life or death situation, it truly was getting in the way of her doing her own things. Pride was what had turned the walls of the cottage into a prison. It was probably what had turned him into a bitter, Grinch-like mess. Admitting that he might not have been a complete jackass through and through sure did hurt her pride, but… Although the genes for it ran in the family, there was absolutely no fucking way she’d turn into a selfish idiot that refused to look the truth in the eyes.

She set the cardboard box in the corner with the family search archives. There was a lot of pondering she had to do, regarding many things, and while she couldn’t find answers regarding the things he did and thought, she could find answers for herself. She had promised herself to not repeat his mistakes and to live a fulfilling and meaningful life, and maybe she had things to figure out in order to properly move on from the past, she’d have to work on a thing or two.

One thing at the time, right?


	11. Chapter 11

_ From : you _

_ Hey _

_ Can I come over? _

_ We need to talk _

_ From : Annie _

_ idk _

_ are u going to lecture me about stuff you dont know shit about or _

_ From : you _

_ No _

_ I want to apologize _

_ But not through texts _

_ From : Annie _

_ k _

_ ring the doorbell when ur here _

***

Mikasa and Annie were staring at the table, neither of them daring to break the awkward silence that was filling the kitchen. They had been sitting like that for probably about five minutes, which at the moment felt like eternity had had the time to reach its end.

Mikasa cleared her throat and lifted her head.

“Uhm… I’m sincerely sorry for my behaviour and for ignoring your side of the story. I was being very insensitive and was prioritizing my good memories with Mr. Leonhart over what you’ve lived and your feelings, which was horribly wrong of me.”

Annie raised her gaze to look at her. Looking into her eyes was impossibly hard, she could feel the icy blue irises freezing her on her chair, but she sucked it up. She deserved a proper apology - the fact that she had even given her a chance to talk things through was a miracle.

“You do realize that you told me some pretty fucked up things the other day. Like, really fucked up things.

\- I do. That is why I’m here. I spent the last two weeks reflecting on what happened and what you told me and… I realized how wrong it was. How wrong I was. I’ve had some… Eye-opening moments that made me realize that thinking only about my own feelings You know, it was just as I said, he… He was very good to me - and I’m not just saying all of this to shove it in your face, I just want you to understand that, umh… I just couldn’t have guessed that what he said was far from the truth. It’s a bit hard to accept, but… I don’t doubt that what you told me is true, and I respect what you went through.”

Mikasa exhaled.

“I… Really want us to get along. I really like spending time with you.

\- Same for you, honestly, you’re a really cool girl and all, but I told you all of these things and the fact that you constantly bring him up in whatever conversation we have is just… Painful, you know? He really made it a point to get me to understand that I was basically crap compared to him, so… It just makes me feel like he made it and manages to haunt my fucking life despite being six feet under ground. I’m tired of it.

\- I…I didn’t really think about it that way. I can see where you’re coming from.

\- You know, I get that he was cool for you and all, I really do. But… He wasn’t like that to me and I don’t want to be reminded of it. I know it might be selfish, and talking about the time you guys had might be your way of coping with his death and all, but...

\- This isn’t about me. I’ve had my time to mourn his passing some time ago. It was selfish of me to push you to talk about something you had made clear you didn’t want to talk about.”

She nervously chewed on her bottom lip. 

“And because sorry doesn’t fix anything, I also assure you that I won’t talk about him in your presence and that I will be considerate about your feelings in regards to what happened here in the past. You deserve to spend time with a person that respects you, and I want to be that person. I made an enormous mistake and I feel extremely grateful that you accepted to hear me out today.”

Annie’s expression softened a little, indicating that, much to Mikasa’s relief, things were going in a rather good direction.

“Let’s start from fresh, alright? I can’t say that I’m ready to forget what happened, but I’m willing to move on from this. I would absolutely hate to not have you around anymore. And I don’t think you’re a bad person at all.

\- Absolutely. And I never meant it when I said that you were a bad person. Thank you for giving me a second chance.

\- Thank  _ you _ for reaching out. I really appreciate it.”

Awkward silence again.

“So… I know we just made up and all, but I was, uh… How about we meet up for lunch at the park tomorrow? Could be a nice way to reconnect and all… Unless you’ve got plans with your friends. Then we could, uh…

\- No, no, lunch is fine. I haven’t been to the park in a while, and… To be fair I really miss our lunches there.

\- I…” She lightly blushed. “I miss them too...

\- Can I bring brownies? I made a fresh tray this morning, and I know that you enjoy them...

\- Yeah. Yeah. For sure.”

They exchanged a small smile. Things would probably be a little difficult. Annie genuinely seemed to accept her apology, but there was no doubt that, as she said, it would be no automatic fix of the breach their relationship had just experienced. Oh well, if things had to go a bit slow, then so be it - so long as what they had still stood a chance.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is guys :3

“Isn’t focaccia the same thing as bread?

\- What the fuck, Mikasa?”

Annie took her eyes off the movie they were watching and gave Mikasa a disappointed look.

“What? It kind of tastes the same.

\- Okay, this just means you’ve never had decent focaccia. It’s similar to bread but in no fucking way is it the same thing. There’s a reason why they have two different names.

\- Well sorry, I’m not nearly as cultured when it comes to food as you are.

\- I…” She sighed. “Bread is, well, you know what bread is. Focaccia is more like… Like pizza dough, in a sense, and it’s flat. Not like bread.

\- Well it depends on the bread.

\- It does but let’s not compare every sort of bread there is, yes? What bread did you have in mind?

\- I don’t know, sourdough bread I guess?

\- That has nothing to do with focaccia. I have no fucking clue how the hell you can think that these are even slightly the same.

\- You can’t deny their similarities.

\- Nonsense. I’ll make bread and focaccia for you and you’ll see what the difference is.

\- I can’t refuse free bread and focaccia. Especially if you made it.”

They both laughed and Annie’s heart was overcome with relief. The last few weeks had been rather awkward, perhaps even really fucking cringe at some points, being spent between her usual work shifts at the bookstore and frequent rendez-vous during which her and Mikasa tried to build their relationship anew. It had been a bit tougher than she had imagined, but if anything it brought them closer together. Mikasa’s words were true: she did put effort into not bringing any sensitive subjects up, and while there had been a few slip ups here and there, it wasn’t anything deeply triggering.

It eventually brought them to this moment: the both of them were settled in front of her TV on her couch, munching on homemade pizza, snuggled up in an unholy amount of pillows and blankets - November had recently rolled by, and with it the usual rainy days and freezing temperatures. Meeting up outside wasn’t as nice anymore (mainly because Mikasa hated the cold), leading to their activities taking place inside rather than outside.

“This movie sucks.

\- Huh? Why?

\- The characters are imbeciles. Both girls clearly don’t know what they want from each other, and it’s getting annoying.

\- Not like confusion is a rare thing.

\- Not like that, Annie. It’s okay to have moments of confusion, we can all get lost in ardour from time to time, but still… You have to be able to at some point find it out, otherwise you spend your life chasing something you’re unaware of, and you end up dying before finding it. You have to at some point test the waters to see what you can do, otherwise your life will eventually become meaningless because you spent all the time you’ve been offered to find a meaning. That’s horribly sad! I would hate for my life to end like this, simmering in sadness and regrets.

\- Wow, you seem passionate about that kind of subject.” She chuckled. “Guess you spend quite some time thinking about it?

\- A little bit. While I don’t actively spend too much time on it… Let’s say it’s one of my favourite nighttime thoughts for when I can’t seem to find sleep. 

\- Dang. When I can’t sleep I just look at memes or something. I don’t have whole philosophical shit going on in my brain.

\- You don’t?

\- No?

\- Why?

\- What do you mean ‘why’? My brain is way too fried at three fucking in the morning to think about this sort of things. At that point I just want my spirit to ascend to the next dimension via funny shit on the Internet until I fall asleep.

\- Well that’s quite a strange habit too.

\- Hey. No judging.”

Annie threw a pillow at her, which she caught and threw back; it missed its target and landed near her ‘Cacti Corner’ (the corner of the living room in which Annie had put her cacti collection on super aesthetic shelves).

“Back to our main conversation about knowing what you want. It’s also one of the things my parents put an emphasis on while bringing me up. My Dad always tells me that you need to know what you want in your life, because you are otherwise unable to decide what you want for yourself, be it when it comes to possessions, projects, relationships...

\- Do you know what you want?”

The ravenette turned to her with an intense gaze. Her eyes, despite the darkness of the living room, were shining with a special something that Annie had never seen before. A special something that made her beauty stand out even more.

“I do.”

She closed her eyes as her lips met Mikasa’s.

The TV all of a sudden sounded like it was playing from very, very far away. Her mind was overwhelmed with a chaotic wave of thoughts, most of which were either blank or something along the lines of _‘oh fuck fuck fuck I’m actually kissing her’._ _Annie.exe had stopped working_. It felt weird, but not in a bad way. Weird as in… Unexpected. Okay, maybe not completely unexpected; in fact, she had felt sparks kind of uh… Sparking between them? To hell with it. She had always been kinda sucky when it came to feelings. And now there she was, on the couch, her hands cupping Mikasa’s face, unwilling to tear away from the soft kiss. It was like a dream, but better.

But alas, they eventually parted when their breath started getting short. She opened her eyes and looked into Mikasa’s; they were hazy and full of stars, making Annie’s heart skipping a beat. Her hands were tightly gripping her waist. The blonde was lost, lost in something that she would probably describe as feeling like Heaven on Earth.

“I… Is this okay?”

Mikasa tilted her head to the side, a questioning look in her eyes. Fuck - she was beautiful. More than beautiful.

“I, uh… Sorry.

\- This feels right to me. I want this. I… Really like you.”

Mikasa moved a hand to brush a strand of her out of her face and stroked her cheek with the other. Annie could feel it slightly shaking despite the confidence she had put in her tone. 

“Does it feel right to you?”

Did it? Did it truly feel right? Did she want this?

“Mikasa, I…”

It was weird. It was scary. Annie stared at her for a couple seconds and couldn’t hold her smile back. Fighting back was useless; Mikasa, given the way she was looking at her, seemed to be at least as fascinated by her as she was by Mikasa and, somewhere, it was a really, _ really  _ nice thought to have. But at the same time… She couldn’t help but think that although she had had a few flings in the past, she had never ever been in something that already felt exceptional, and this… Truly felt like the beginning of some sort of love story.

Well, there was only one way to find out if this would become something as grande and beautiful as she liked to hope in her happiest daydreams.

“It does. And I want this. I really like you, too.”


	13. Chapter 13

Everything about Mikasa was somehow magical. The way she talked, the way she moved, and even the way she did embroidery. While Annie had for most of her life thought of it as a grandma-hobby, her opinion immediately changed upon learning that it was one of Mikasa’s favourite hobbies. She had told her that she planned on embroidering a couple of forget-me-nots with Annie’s name between the blossoms, which the latter found to be the cutest idea. The way she patiently weaved the needle through the fabric, the way her tongue poked out when she was focused, the precision with which she was delicately embroidering the flowers - nothing was short of fascinating.

“You’re so good at embroidery. I have no idea how you can have enough patience to do shit like this.

\- Oh, thank you. Patience is something that embroidery is great at teaching. You learn to work one step at a time for a beautiful result.” She turned the embroidery hoop to Annie to show her progress. “It’s quite a good activity to pass time, and it’s very soothing to me, I usually like to do it while listening to music or to a podcast, it’s way more entertaining than one could think. But I don’t need any of that with your company. Eh… Sorry, I’m getting lost in my thoughts again.

\- Don’t apologize. Where’d you learn embroidery?

\- My Mom taught it to me when I was a child. She would usually come back from work, make sure that my homework was done, and then sit at the kitchen table to teach me while my Dad cooked dinner. She’d tell me that it was a family tradition, and tell me about the times my grandmother would teach it to her to pass it down. I remember feeling immensely honored to be learning it myself.”

A nostalgic smile adorned her face.

“That’s so cool… My Dad taught me self-defense and stuff like that so I can’t really say he taught me how to do beautiful things.

\- Self-defense is really useful. I think that there is beauty to these kinds of activities, to the way people developed various techniques to defend themselves or even just to fight, if that makes sense?” Annie nodded. “Perhaps this can become your family tradition.

\- Why not? It’s actually a really good idea. I’ll tell my Dad about it.”

Mikasa went back to her embroidery, humming some song they had heard on the radio the day before. Annie’s phone buzzed - she looked down and unlocked it. 

_ From : Bert _

_ so? _

_ what did she say? _

_ From : you _

_ guys i cant _

_ From : Bert _

_ yes you can, we believe in you! _

_ stop stressing out _

_ From : Reiner _

_ big deep breath _

_ no gay panicking just yet _

_ also why are you panicking????? _

_ you guys literally kissed like 3 days ago _

_ From : you _

_ you dont understand _

_ its like _

_ an official date kinda _

_ our kiss was spontaneous _

_ idk what should i do _

_ From : Bert _

_ i don’t know _

_ maybe _

_ you know _

_ A S K H E R ? _

_ From : Reiner _

_ yeah, just go ahead and ask _

_ and also _

_ you said that she was the one kissing you first _

_ wtf are you scared of? _

_ From : you _

_ idk _

_ maybe she doesn’t like me that way _

_ From : Reiner _

_????????? _

_???? _

_??????????????????????????? _

_ From : Bert _

_ you can’t be serious right now _

_ From : you _

_ what if it was an accident _

_ From : Bert _

_ annie _

_ just _

_ fucking _

_ ask _

_ her _

_!!!!! _

_!!!!! _

_ From : you _

_ okay okay ill do it _

She put her phone down and took a deep breath. Bert was right. She had no reason to be this nervous.

“Uh, Mikasa?

\- Yes?

\- Would you, uh, like to go on a date with me? Like, not a regular meeting or something, but a real romantic dinner and all… As we, uh, we kissed the other day, and it would be really cool to… You see what I mean. Like, not just as friends. I’d cook you dinner and make it kinda fancy and cool… Promise I won’t make you anything with olives.”

The ravenette laughed and put her embroidery down.

“I’d love to. Especially if there are no olives involved. Do you already have a date in mind?

\- What about saturday evening around seven thirty? Neither of us are working at that moment.

\- Perfect. I’ll look forward to it. Uh… Is there anything in particular you want to eat?

\- Not really. I’ll let you surprise me.

\- Okay, uh… Is there anything you really don’t want to eat, then? Or, do you have any allergies? You’ve never mentioned any before, but… Uh… I’d hate for you have, like, a shit reaction to something...

\- Don’t worry.” She shook her head. “I don’t have any allergies, and I’m not a picky eater. Except when, as you know, it comes to olives.”

Annie’s phone buzzed again.

_ From : Reiner _

_ shit she’s probably gay panicking _

_ should we intervene? _

_ From : Bert _

_ nah _

_ we should wait _

_ maybe they’re in the middle of planning their date _

_ let’s wait _

She smiled at her screen and looked up to Mikasa.

“Alright. It’s a date, then.”


	14. Chapter 14

Mikasa had spent quite a large part of her life thinking about what true happiness and bliss could possibly feel like. Who would’ve thought that she would end up finding her answer in Annie’s bedroom, lounging around next to her, with a stomach full of the delicious homemade dinner Annie had treated her to - namely a course of minestrone soup, pesto pasta and apple pie (it was no overstatement to say that it was one of the best dinner’s she had ever had) - a few hours before?

The evening had been more than pleasant and had brought the both of them to rest in the warmth of the room, tucked under the three blankets the blonde liked to sleep with during the winter, casually conversing like they would always do.

Every moment spent with Annie felt like a little taste of Heaven. Their kiss a week prior, even if it made them feel slightly fiddly at first, made it clear that the both of them were on the same plane of thoughts. Since then, they had shared a few other kisses, and had gotten a tad more physical, daring to reach for each other’s hand or meeting in a warm embrace. Although she hadn’t openly asked her to be her girlfriend, the question seemed to be lingering in the air whenever they were together. They had a very distinct something, a special sort of chemistry if you will, that she just couldn’t ignore anymore.

Annie’s fingers slowly slipped under her sweater and started drawing small circles on the small of her back. She opened her eyes and turned her head in Annie’s direction. She was sitting next to her, looking at her with such a warm and adoring look that it was as if her heart was on the brink of exploding with joy. And to think that she looked at her with cold eyes the day they met, mere months ago… It made butterflies rush inside her.

“I love your blue eyes. They are so… Fascinating. Like… A clear sky on a winter day, right after the snow clouds leave it. I could get lost in them without ever growing tired.”

Annie chuckled and brushed a strand of hair from her forehead.

“I see I got myself a poet right there.” She huffed. “Didn’t think you’d casually slide some lines in there, you usually don’t do that.

\- Hm, I feel like it now. Tonight feels like a special occasion. Plus, you already know how much I love poetry. I have given you quite an amount of mine to read. Also! You promised you’d let me read some writings on your own, with the illustrations you made.

\- True, true. I’ll give them to you in the next few days. But for now, back to our conversation. Let me try some poetic stuff. Well… I love your grey eyes. They look like shiny onyx stones in the moonlight and…” She paused and laughed. “Forget it. I’m bad at this. But they’re really special and I love them.

\- It wasn’t too bad. It was decent, I’d say.”

The blonde nudged her, laid down, rolled on her side and supported her head with her hand.

“Your hair looks like the finest kind of gold, the one that fairies and magical creatures alike would use to craft the most expensive jewelry.

\- And yours is black like… The late night?

\- That was another decent comparison.” Mikasa laughed. “Nice.

\- Might have some hidden poetry talents inside me... Your body is full of grace like an angel.

\- But yours is made out of the strongest muscles, chiseled by the angels themselves. 

\- Are you really trying to get me to prove the hardest possible how awesome you are?”

Mikasa playfully raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t know, you tell me, Leonhart.”

Shivers ran down her spine as the blonde slipped her arm under her sweater and gripped at her waist, leaning to her ear to whisper: 

“Why don’t I show you instead?”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *PLEASE READ*  
> This chapter heavily discusses resentment towards a lost family member.

The regular beep - beep - beep was slowly giving Annie a headache; the usual whenever she tried to call her father. The man had the chronic habit of letting his phone chill in some random part of his flat, leading to countless missed calls and texts that always drove her nuts. Who in this day and age does that?

The beeping finally stopped.

“Annie?

\- Hey, Dad.”

Oh no. Anxiety rushed in her body.

“How have you been? Is everything alright? Aren’t you on your lunch break right now?

\- Yeah, I am. And I’m fine. I just felt like talking to you kinda out of nowhere, but uh… I just wanted to talk to you.

\- Oh.” She could almost hear his little smile through the phone. “Yeah, of course. What’s been going on?

\- Nothing much, really. What about you? How are you?

\- I’m doing good. Same old thing.”

She took a big deep breath.

“Dad, I wanted to talk about grandpa. I know it’s a weird ass moment to bring it up, but uh… Unless you don’t feel like it.

\- … Oh.” He paused. “Okay. Go ahead.

\- I’ve been reflecting a lot about my past with him.

\- You do? How come?

\- Just… You know. I live where he used to live before he pegged out, so… And I told you that Mikasa and I have gotten pretty close...

\- Ah, I remember. Did she do a good job keeping up with the garden?

\- She did. It looks really, really beautiful - well at least it did, now it’s covered in snow, so… But she’s awesome at gardening. We chose some new flowers to plant next spring.

\- What do you plan on planting?

\- Some pink roses and forget-me-nots. We thought it would look nice, so...”

She couldn’t hold back a smile. It was kind of too early to bring their relationship up, and it was probably better to tell him once they’d meet again. Back to the main subject matter.

“Talking with Mikasa… I realized a little more about the whole thing with grandpa. I know we’ve talked about him many times before, but I came to kind of a… Conclusion of a sort? You know, that I’m not really over what he did and that I really need to let go of it.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “I was really jealous of Mikasa at first, I got angry every time she would tell me about the fun she had with him, but it made me… It’s so fucking weird, so many memories have been coming back. It made me remember the times where I was playing with him when I was little, when everything was well between us... It drives me crazy, it makes me wonder if it was even real, if there ever was a time where we truly had somewhat of a good relationship. I can’t pinpoint the moment where things changed, where they went wrong, and while I try to find out what the hell happened to make him hate me I just can’t help but… To question everything that was. Everything about my memories, everything that happened, just everything about him. I want to understand, I want to get answers, I can’t stand that pissy feeling of not even understanding my own standpoint on that-”

Her voice broke in the middle of the sentence. Her father sighed.

“It’s okay, Annie. Please don’t beat yourself up over this. It’s not always to figure out how we feel about certain people we’ve encountered in our life. You’re being too hard on yourself. Give yourself time to process things, okay?

\- It should’ve been processed already! He’s been dead for two years, how the fuck does it still bother me that much?

\- Give yourself extra time, then.” His voice softened. “His passing won’t automatically fix what he left behind. It would’ve been nice if it did, but sadly, we have some work to do on our own.

\- This whole thing makes me feel kinda like a brat. I know what he did to you, and it was even worse than what he did to me, and I’m the one making a fuss…

\- None of that. You have the right to feel upset about your relationship with him, life isn’t the trauma olympics, don’t compare our experiences. I’ve had my own issues with him, but in no way do you have to diminish your own feelings because of that. While I feel incredibly angry that he didn’t show any kindness to you as you grew up, there is nothing I can do to change it, and I feel kinda guilty that I didn’t protect you more from him.

\- Please don’t. It was hard for you, too. I can’t even count the number of times he was a dickhead to you in front of me, I can’t imagine how bad it must’ve been when I wasn’t around. Plus, he was your dad. I don’t blame you.”

She wiped her eyes. This conversation never got easy, no matter how many times they had it.

“I try to, but you know how parents are. We always worry about the kids and think about how we could have done better. But yeah… What’s done is done. It isn’t our job to figure out what problems he might’ve had, or where things went wrong, or to fix his mistakes. Our job is to make sure we are good to each other and to be happy in our lives. Our job is to break the cycle, to learn from what we lived and to take care of ourselves. Please don’t burden yourself with something you aren’t responsible for and you can’t change. Focus on yourself, on building something meaningful and on living your life to its fullest. Please do not let the past ruin the present. I trust that you will make peace with this part of your life when you will feel ready to.

\- What if it never happens?

\- I do believe it will happen. You are a strong person inside. You’re not the kind to let things beat you down.

\- Can I... Ask if you managed to make peace with it?

\- I did, a little bit. I also question a lot of things when it comes to the time we had. I sometimes still feel afraid that I might end up like him when I will be his age-

\- You won’t. I know you. You’re far better than him. 

\- You’re too adorable.

\- Am not.

\- You are. I love you, Annie. I’m more than happy and proud to be your father and to have you as a daughter. You’ve grown to be an amazing person.”

She smiled.

“I love you too. You’re an awesome Dad too, even if sometimes you’re weird.

\- Ah, come on, that’s what every kid thinks of their parents.”

They both laughed.

“So, uh… My lunch break is almost over, I have to go back to work. Could, uh… Could we talk about this next time we see each other?

\- Works for me. We can talk whenever you want. I’m always here for you, okay?

\- Yeah. And I’m here for you too.

\- And don’t forget to not go too hard on yourself. Wounds take time to heal, even when it’s in the mind.

\- I will. Thank you. So… Take care, see you.

\- Take care, bye.”

She hung up and exhaled deeply.

It wasn’t the first time he had told her these things, but it was the first time it truly hit her. He was right - there was nothing she could do to somehow fix the past, but she could still take action to make sure the future wouldn’t end up in shit.

And that was exactly what she was planning to do.


	16. Chapter 16

Everything was shitty when it came to February. The weather was shit, the 28 or 29 days thing was shit, and the overall atmosphere it had was shit. The only thing that didn’t wasn’t shit was February tenth because it was Mikasa’s birthday, and everything was awesome when it involved Mikasa. Meeting her friends had allowed her to arrange a small gathering with them at her favourite restaurant - she had come to know that she wasn’t a huge fan of big celebration, so this seemed like an appropriate thing to organise to celebrate. She couldn’t wait.

She put a chunk of freshly kneaded bread dough the was working on in the oven and turned to Mikasa, who was once again busy embroidering one of her sweaters at the kitchen table.

“Why don’t you come live with me in my cottage?”

The ravenette looked up to her.

“Where’d you get that idea from?

\- We’ve been together for some time, and… You’ve been spending more and more time here, uh… I don’t know, I guess I really enjoy your presence.”

She sat next to her. It was true: ever since Mikasa and her had gotten together, she couldn’t get the idea of spending all their time together in the cottage out of her head. Well, obviously not all their time as both were working jobs, but, say, the rest of their free time. Sleepovers at her house had become very frequent, sometimes reaching up to four nights a week, and Annie had grown to love them so much that falling asleep and waking up without Mikasa in her arms left her with a strong sense of longing.

Mikasa looked at her with a signifying gaze.

“I don’t know, moving in is a pretty big step… It’s not that I wouldn’t love to be with you every day, but… I’ve always lived with my parents and… You know, I’ve never even lived on my own, living with another person is a little frightening…

\- I get what you mean.

\- I don’t mean to upset you-

\- You aren’t. I promise. I completely understand. It was just a weird thought, forget about it.”

She shook her head and ran her hand through her haid. Maybe it wasn’t as serious as she thought it was? It did feel kind of serious to her… What if she was just misinterpreting everything? It wasn’t impossible that this whole thing was only a fling to Mikasa… Ugh, the fucking universe was once again scheming against her, making her overthink all of this.

The ravenette circled the table to pull her into a hug and peppered her cheek with kisses.

“I really appreciate the suggestion, and I also really like the idea of us living together, but… I don’t think I feel ready yet, and I would hate for our life together to have a bad start. Let’s wait a little more...

\- Mmh.” She wrapped her arms around Mikasa’s waist. “Let’s wait, then. One thing at a time.”

She inhaled Mikasa’s flowery perfume and closed her eyes. Coming to think of it, maybe they did need some extra time to really be ready for a life together. They had talked about _that subject_ a couple times and all, but she still felt weird about certain things. Some time had passed since they had made up, but something was still bugging her. Something had been left unsaid. And what was even more sickening was that she still felt this sense of jealousy for Mikasa. _How was she still not over this?_

“Mikasa?

\- Mmh?

\- I’m sorry for getting mad at you ‘cause of my grandfather.”

Mikasa took a step back and looked at her with a soft expression.

“Annie, we’ve talked about this already…

\- Still, I need to get some shit off my chest. You already did your part, now it’s my turn to do mine. I want our relationship to be a good, healthy one, and I don’t feel like it will be like that if I’m not completely honest with you.” She took a deep breath. “I was very, very jealous of you, and I probably still am a little bit, you know. I hated the thought that my grandfather treated another girl like his granddaughter while not being bothered to fucking care about his own. I often pretended to not give a fuck about what he did, but I really, really did. I wanted him to teach me how to do things, to have meaningful conversations with me, to give me nice life lessons… It’s something I’ve wanted all my life. And the fact that you had it… Deep down, I kinda hoped he would be a dickhead to you too, so we could hate him together, which is fucked up on so many levels. I’m sorry.

\- I mean… I completely understand where you’re coming from. I assume you felt like it was being shoved in your face?

\- Exactly. I know it was unintentional, but that’s what it felt like to me.

\- I guessed so. As I told you when we made up, I put a lot of thought into this and ended up accepting that as you said we have completely different realities of him and that he had a side I knew nothing about.

\- I’m on my way to fully coming to terms with my feelings, but it’s getting better every day. He was good to you, and that’s all that matters when it comes to you in the end. I’m glad he did brighten someone’s days and that he wasn’t a complete jackass, even though I wish he’d include me in this.”

Annie felt the tension gradually leaving her body and be replaced by relief.

“Thank you for letting me express this.

\- Don’t thank me. It’s only normal for me to listen to you if you have something important to say.

\- Eh… Not everyone takes the time to actually listen and hear me out. I feel much better now. I’m glad we don’t resent each other.

\- Same for me.”

She pulled Mikasa back to their initial hug and held her tight.

“You’re awesome.

\- No, you.

\- Shht. You’re breathtaking.

\- No, you.

\- Are we doing this again?”

Mikasa smiled at her.

“Why not?”


	17. Chapter 17

March had arrived at last, bringing the first days of spring to a bloom. It was beautiful: the sun shined more often, the days were getting longer and the cold and wet weather wasn’t as cold and wet as it always was during the winter.

Mikasa took a break from wiping the dishes to look at the time; Mr. Leonhart would arrive any minute now. Annie had told her that he had planned on coming over for a few days in order to go through the belongings of his father and get the room cleared up. While Annie had already gotten rid of certain things, the task was just too onerous to take on herself, even with Mikasa offering help, hence why her father was on his way. It was understandable: both Leonharts had experienced the hardships of Leonhart senior, sharing the cleaning would probably be at least somewhat easier on them if they were together.

The doorbell rang. She put the plate she was wiping in a cupboard to go to the entrance and opened the door.

“Good morning, Mr. Leonhart.

\- Good to see you again, Mikasa.” He gave her a warm smile. “How have you been? How’s your family?

\- Same goes for you. My family and I are well, thank you for asking. How are you?

\- The usual.”

She stepped aside to let him enter the house. 

“Let me carry your luggage, I’ll place it in your room.

\- Ah, don’t worry, I’ll take care of it myself. I’m not that old of a man!

\- As you wish.” She chuckled. “The drive must have been long, do you want me to fetch you something to drink or eat?

\- Uh… Water should do for now. Thank you.”

Mikasa went back to the kitchen to get a glass of water ready for him and put it on the table. He returned a few minutes later, took a large sip of water, and let out a deep exhale. He then looked around the room and asked:

“Where’s Annie?

\- Oh, she’s in Mr. Leonhart’s room. 

\- Already?

\- Yes… She said she wanted to get a little head start to gather what she wished to keep. I tried to talk her out of it, but she said it’d help her relax. She’s been quite nervous for the past two days...”

She followed Mr. Leonhart to his father’s room. Both of them went quiet as they opened the door; Annie was sitting on the bed, back to them, audibly sniffling. 

“Annie?”

Her head snapped to them. She wiped her eyes, stood up and walked past them.

“Annie, if you need more-

\- I don’t care. I already picked what I want to keep. Do what you want with the rest. I don’t care.”

Mikasa and Mr. Leonhart exchanged a knowing look. Going in there on her own was probably not the best

“If I may ask… I know it’s none of my business, but I’m curious… Have you already planned what you will do with the remaining belongings?

\- We have.” He sighed. “We’ll donate most of them, like his clothes and the archive he put together. There’s not much we can do with it, it’s better to pass it on to people who take an interest in these. Some I will keep and some… We still don’t know.

\- I see… This is perhaps the best solution.

\- I think so. If you want to keep anything from him, I know you were close…

\- I hope you don’t find it disrespectful, I also selected a few things before your arrival. Annie gave me the permission to, so I figured it’d be best for me to do it beforehand in order not to get in your way. I only took a few CDs we’d often listen to together and the flower encyclopaedia he taught me about flowers with. I hope it’s alright with you…

\- Of course, of course. Well, then… I wanted to rest a little, but I think I’ll also gather a few things now. We’ll get to the deeper cleaning later.

\- Okay. I… I’ll go check on Annie.”

He nodded. She walked along the hallway to the kitchen and put said CDs and encyclopaedia in her bag, crossed the room and went into the garden. Annie was sitting in the back, on a spot on the terrace where the sun was brightly shining, and was still crying a little. She walked over to her, sat next to her, wrapped her cardigan around her shoulders and pulled her tight against her. The blonde shivered and snuggled up against her.

“You know, I realized that it’s just how life goes.” She wiped her eyes and brought her knees to her chest. “You get hurt by people, you hurt people yourself, and you basically have to make sure that you don’t do it on purpose and that it almost never happens. And sometimes, people you desperately want to care about you just won’t, and you can’t force it, and you end up just having to accept it.”

Mikasa remained silent, unsure of what to reply, and instead gently combed through her hair.

“It’s going to suck… But that’s how things are. The universe doesn’t give a shit about our feelings, so we just have to go with whatever it puts in place.” She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry. I’m a mess.

\- Don’t apologize, it’s perfectly fine. There’s no shame in being emotional. It’s completely understandable.

She sighed and looked Mikasa in the eyes.

“Mikasa?

\- Yes?

\- I care about you. Like, a whole fucking lot. I’m really glad we met.

\- Even if I woke you up and frightened you?

\- Hey, that’s an understatement. You scared the fucking shit out of me. Imagine chillin on a sunday morning and seeing an unknown person watering a fucking peony bush. Don’t tell me you’d just vibe with it. Especially knowing how much of a scaredy cat you are.

\- I am in no way a scaredy cat.

\- Bullshit. You’re the easiest person to startle in the entire galaxy.

\- Well that’s just a hyperbola.”

She nudged her and they both laughed.

“I care about you as well, I assure you. I…” She cupped Annie’s face with her hands. “I love you.”

Little stars popped in Annie’s eyes and her expression softened as she pronounced the last few words.

“I love you too.”

Their lips met in a passionate, loving kiss, during which neither of them could hold their smile back. As they parted, they both looked up to the bright, cloudless sky. As Mikasa had noted, the weather, despite being a little cold, was incredibly welcoming and, she liked to believe so, illustrated a day that was already very far from being as bad as she had expected.

“Shit. I’ll have to apologize to my Dad for not welcoming him properly.

\- Mmh, I don’t think he resents you for that.

\- Still.” 

Annie sighed and ran her hand on the terrace’s tiles.

“Today… Is a beautiful day.”

Mikasa kissed her forehead.

“It is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost at the end!  
> One chapter to go!


	18. Chapter 18

“So. Let’s do this.”

Annie opened the paint bucket and poured some of it in a plastic tray laid on the covered floor. Mikasa winced at the chemical smell and took a step back, covering her nose with the hem of her t-shirt.

“This paint has a really bizarre smell. It’s horrible.

\- Mmh. It’ll get better after drying. At least it will get rid of the natural horrendous orange-cinnamon smell. That shit got caked in the walls, I can’t believe there’s no way of getting it out. Drives me crazy.

\- Maybe we should buy an essential oils diffuser? I heard that these sorts of devices can be quite helpful. My Mom has recently bought one, I can ask her if it’s a good investment.

\- Why not? Could be an idea.”

She grabbed a paint roller, rolled in in the tray and started painting.

“Where’d you get the idea to repaint the walls sage green?

\- Dunno. It’s just a really cool color.

\- ‘It’s just a really cool color’?

\- Uh… Yeah?

\- No. I’m sure you chose it because green is the colour of hope. It’s all symbolism.

\- Nonsense.” She huffed. “You’re the only one here that would make these kinds of weird ass sappy links.

\- There’s nothing weird or sappy about symbolism, my love.”

They laughed. Mikasa wasn’t entirely wrong - she did choose to repaint the room in green for the symbolism, but not only. It also fit the overall theme of the house, that had always had a majority of sage green covering the falls and some of the furniture, some sort of weird tradition that apparently ran in the Leonhart family (according to her father). They had decided to give it a makeover some time after Mikasa moved in. While some rooms, like the kitchen and her father’s room remained untouched, most of them had been repainted, redecorated and partially refurbished to give the cottage a slightly more modern touch. Gone were the horribly tacky wallpapers and old couch; their savings had allowed them to replace them by more elegant paint for the walls and Ikea furniture which, while not being the epitome of beauty, was still better than crap from the 1800s.

They had left this room for last, unsure of what to do with it for the longest time, before deciding that they would use it as a sort of storage room for Annie’s books and Mikasa’s embroideries (even though a decent amount of her pieces were framed and hanging on the walls of their living room) and embroidery material. It just felt like it was the right way to repurpose it.

Mikasa turned to Annie and wrapped her arms around her waist, startling the latter and almost making her drop the roller.

“Hey!

\- Sorry, you look really, really good when you’re working. It highlights your arm muscles really well.

\- Damn, ‘Kasa. Do I need to send you to horny jail to paint this fucking wall?

\- No such thing is needed. I just want a kiss.

\- Oh, is that so?

\- Mmh.”

She put the roller in the stray, turned around, cupped Mikasa’s cheeks and pulled her down for the desired kiss. The ravenette smiled against her lips, before she parted and kissed her forehead.

“I had an idea. We should plant vegetables in the garden.

\- Woah, woah, one thing at a time, shall we? I admit it’s a pretty nice idea, okay, but let’s get this over with first. We can think about the garden later.

\- I already know what we could plant. We could have tomatoes, and pumpkins, and strawberries, and raspberries…

\- Did you listen to me at all? Besides, strawberries and raspberries aren’t vegetables. They’re berries.

\- Vegetables and berries then.”

She huffed, picked up the roller and went back to focusing on the painting, which lasted up until Mikasa’s roller was pressed against her right cheek, leaving a splat of wet green paint on it. The ravenette bursted out laughing as Annie looked at her, raising her eyebrow in annoyance.

“What the fuck was that about? Did you mistake me for a wall?

\- Well, you are quite pale.

\- I’m not that pale. The wall is fucking white like fucking snow. Are you not supposed to be the more focused and patient one out of the two of us?”

Mikasa smirked.

“I guess not. I feel like playing a little bit.

\- Oh, I see. I see.”

She dragged the roller on her nose, leading Mikasa to roll hers on her arm and shoulder, to which Annie responded by smearing paint on neck and t-shirt.

“My clothes!

\- Come on, these are the same old rags you use for gardening. Don’t make me believe a little paint is going to ruin them completely.

\- Mmh. True. You better not put paint in my hair, I washed it this morning and- Annie! My pants!

\- Guess the washing machine is gonna have a long day of work.

\- So will the shower. We’re gonna look like fucking slime monsters once we’re done here.”

Both of them bursted out laughing, and Annie’s heart swelled up with love.

Tomorrow would mark their one year meeting anniversary - crazy how it seemed so close yet so far. So many things changed in that year, and it turned out that they did for the better. Although she felt incredibly unsure and scared when she first moved in, she now reckoned that it was one of the best decisions of her life, and that in so many ways that she couldn’t think of all of them at the same time.

The past was in the past, and the future seemed exciting enough to have Annie on the edge of her seat. What would happen? What will she do? Who will she become? Will Mikasa and her lead a happy, fulfilling life in the walls of this house?

As usual, there was only one way to find out : wait and see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is, guys. We reached the end!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading Everything That Was! I hope I was able to take you on a nice adventure to discover Mikasa and Annie's story and that the ending satisfied you. I had to ponder a lot on finding an ending that would do it justice, and I feel like I did just that - feel free to tell me if you don't feel the same about it, I'm interested in hearing about your feelings about this.
> 
> Feel free to give me any feedbacks or corrections! As I mentionned at the beginning, english is not my first language, so this first time experience of writing a full story in english only was a bit frightening to me ^^' I probably misused some words here and there, so please do correct me if you notice anything sketchy! It would help me improve my writing a lot :D
> 
> Writing this story made me discover that I enjoy writing multichapter fics way more than I thought - I usually stick to writing oneshots, but I actually really, really liked planning and developping a story in multiple parts. I might give it another try soon ^^
> 
> Thank you again for the adorable support and comments I've gotten, all of them warmed my heart and made me strive to push myself to work hard on this work. It makes me very happy to see that you enjoyed my writing :D
> 
> I hope I'll see you in my future works! Take care and stay safe in the meantime :)
> 
> \- inkonmyflowers


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